It took me 24 years to distinguishbetween having an abusive mother and admitting that she is a highly regarded member
of her society. When l started to highlight her bad deeds to others around her,
they referred to her other activities of goodness besides being a mother. They
also classified hitting bullying and even sexual harassment, in one case, under
inevitable necessities of parenting that is still acceptable. This reaction was
even more painful to me than staying in silence. Then, l started to consider seeing
abusers as people who orchestrate everything they do to serve as a background
of a cover up so they can keep abusing victims without interruption.

A friend I met few years agofascinated me by introducing his family member as a caring environment. He identified
his father as a kind person, his mother as a strong character, and his siblings
as sweet and easy-going. Although I saw a lot of similarities in my own
dysfunctional family, I did not pay attention to this observation at the beginning.
However, learning more about how deceiving toxic relations can be, l ended my
relationship with them after doing a big project with high compensation and
stopped my relationship with my friend too. It happened over a period of three
years of struggle and confusion. It became clearer how he numbed his pain of cooperating
against his tragedy of sexual harassment he experienced by a schoolteacher just
to protect family name from being ashamed by a victim’s misfortune of a criminal.
This poor child had to live to see this criminal continue risking other
children wellbeing as he used to do it against him.

I realized that keeping hisfriendship is a form of acceptance of such a trauma to continue. Being more
religious than average was another alarming sign to me that numbing pain through
religious activities was a necessity to maintain sanity with such horrible betrayal
by those who are supposed to protect an innocent child and turn their back.

Now, I see more clearly how adifferent quality of life can be just to operate it in a toxic free setting. While
it is less popular, it is healthier.